On Family Planning

Increasingly in today’s society, parents seem to be dis-engaged from the lives of their children. Greater numbers of children are disenchanted with their families, and ‘take to the streets’. The children of today face 3 great distractions from their families as they grow up.

Firstly, an increasing social circle. As children grow through Primary, Secondary, Tertiary Schools, they are constantly exposed to a larger fraction of society. Gone are the days where we could only talk to one person at a time using the telephone. The coming of the Internet and MSN enables all to communicate to a greater number far more conveniently and less expensively than it was in the past. Thus, most children end up neglecting precious interaction time with their family to chat with their increasing number of friends.

But one must ask, ‘Why is it that the children of today spend more time with their friends than with their family?’ This leads to the next major distraction, that of a decreasing common topic spectrum with their parents. The world has progressed such that the gap between people 10 years apart in age is startling, much less children and their parents. It would be few a parent who knew anything about Maple Story or Hamtaro besides that their children like them. Gone are the days when both children and parents can share a common topic in Mickey Mouse, or Tom & Jerry. I once asked a 9 year old, ‘Why do you spend so much time talking to your friends, but less time talking to your parents?’ The reply was simple enough, ‘My parents don’t play Maple, and they do not know what I talk about.’ This problem magnifies as the children grow up, and indulge in their own interests, be it in music, fashion or studies.

This will develop into the third distraction when these very children grow up and start having ambitions & aspirations of their own. Less and less will their family feature in their ambitions, less and less will their parents have any relevance in their lives as they seek to secure a hostel place in University, gain a high-earning job and so forth. Ironically, the cycle then repeats itself when they start having children.

Now, the simplistic solution to this cyclical problem is widely known and preached – Parents should spend more time with their children. I feel that this is good, but more importantly, we should ask the logical next question, ‘ Spend more time together, Yes! But Doing What?’ I could force an entire family in one small room and they could look at each other for ten minutes, and then go into their own worlds, which defeats the entire purpose!

I think the key is to start Family Planning from Young. Now, this is not the ‘family planning’ related to baby production we all are familiar about. What I refer as Family Planning is the way parents, as head of the household, plan their family time. Time that a family spends together should be planned and developed from young, and not be left to chance or spontaneity. If every Friday night is ‘Family Eat-Out Night’, and every Saturday Night is ‘Family Games Night’, from young, the child will be used to such an environment and will grow up being used to open interaction with their parents on a routine basis. Family interaction must be inculcated from young, if parents do not interact with their children when their children are 8 year olds, how is it even realistic to expect these very same children to share with you their love problems when they are 18?

What’s important to note here is that Family Interaction Time should revolve as much among Parents as they should among Children. If you want a portion of family time to be spent reading books to your children (which they might be not so interested in), make sure you set aside time to do something they are interested in such as computer games (of which you may be less interested in). To some children, being able to take part in ‘Grown-up activities’ such as KTV and Card Playing may yet bond them closer to their parents. Parents may have to set aside their own prejudices and transform a KTV or Card Playing experience into a ‘Healthy Family One’. Over the course of interaction, parents will have to be open-minded and be able to rationalize and explain their own actions and decisions. Children today can spot a lie or cover-up from a hundred meters. It is best to stay truthful, as we do expect of children. Yes, I do believe that Parents need to earn the trust of their children.

Therefore, Family Planning as I define is the key to long-term happiness. Without the doubt, as children grow up, the 3 major distractions will still set in nonetheless, but with a solid and interactive family environment, at least there will be something worth holding them back to their families. They may be able to attend lesser ‘Friday Family Eat-Out Nights’ as compared to when they were younger, but at least, they will know that there is always a ‘Family Eat-Out Night’ that is waiting for them.