On Departures(3)

Leaving

These last 2 weeks before I fly for UK, I have met up and spent time with many people who featured strongly at one point or another in my life. Any disorientation I felt at my mum's passing were greatly comforted by these meetings, and I would recount a few that have already occurred.

On 7th September 2006, I brought my sister, brother, Uncle Sui Qiang & maid up Swissotel to the Equinox for high tea. I felt really happy doing so. I really want to let my siblings know that whatever I can do or feel for my friends, I would do so twice that amount for them. I may spend little time with them, but I fully appreciate that they confide in me, trust me, and look up to me. They are wonderful siblings, of which I treasure more than anything else in this world. My Uncle has been an incredible pillar of support to my family during the entire process of my mum's illness. He has been a rock of the family, for my dad, aunties, uncle and grandmother most importantly, I could never feel enough gratitude to him. As for my maid, amongst all her scolding from my mum, she took care of her tillher last day, and continues to put the interests of the rest of us as her prirority. I appreciate her having sacrificed the years with her own daughter to take care of my family, and for that, I am indebted forever too. And so, if there was one treat that I wanted to give, it was this one.

On 7th September 2006, SnR met as a whole (w/o Weisi who is back in Oxford) for the first time in more than a year. I always felt an unbelievable bond with these group of people, but along the way, some of them might not. But I think that this gathering affirmed to each and everyone that what we have here is truly a most remarkable connection, be it on the backdrop of gloriously surreal moments or numerous birthday celebrations. We sat down and looked at what we wanted to be in 5 years time, '' I can only remember saying that I want to be able to distinguish my hopes from my expectations,and relegate all expectations to as minimal a level as possible. I also want to close my options, and be happy with what I have.'' The coming together of the 9 of us was a result of consequence, our working together a result of obligation, but the desire to hold on to this bond, is a choice. Aa choice that I hope all of us can take without doubts or fears of what tomorrow may bring, but with the conviction that I'll hold on till the end because it's something sustainable, even if the circle expands, as it must.

On 8th September 2006, my former tuition teacher brought his family to my house to celebrate his son's 5 year old birthday. Teacher Patrick has been most supportive, even bringing his family to my mum's cremation', where his children hugged and comforted me and my siblings. I am greatly moved by his actions for my family, the love and concern he has shown. I really enjoy playing with children and his 2 children are a great bundle of joy! Whethere it is video-ing little Marcus closing himself in the wardrobe, or letting him beat me up, or playing computer games with Joseph, I think, children always remind the world that actually, there is much reason to be happy. I really thank Teacher, from his original tuition sessions, without which I would have struggled in Secondary School, and till now, becoming a wonderful family friend.

On 8th September 2006, I met up with my Primary School teachers, Mrs Rosemary Tay & Mrs Ella Ong, together with my Primary school classmates, Llewellyn, Daniel & Lydia. The feeling that after 10 years, my teachers are stil so ever concerned and caring is simply indescribable. That all of us can still meet and talk endlessly is really unbelievable. These are the very teachers that have moulded the confidence and ability in me, and given me the opportunities to prove to myself that I was somebody, and up till now, their confidence and hopes of me still continue to fuel that self-belief in me, and for all this, I am forever thankful and will always think of them as inspiration as I go on the final lap of formal education. Definitely, my parents involvement in the school, be it my Dad's Angie cakes, or my mum's frequent visits to the teacher's and sending me to school played a great part to make all these ties even possible.

On 9th September 2006, I went to my Piano Teachers' house to meet him. My Wong gave me a red packet to wish me well in my studies overseas. I soon found myself back in the piano room where I had spent more than 10 years of my life, from a 5 year old accompanied (sometimes forced) by my mum every lesson, to a 17 year old going myself. Mr Wong played CDs on Chinese Classical Music, of which the next concert would be about. And I remembered the times when all this was a weekly event, playing the piano, commenting on music. Musical workshops, concerts, the fear of not playing well leading to the final joy at a good performance to taking on the Stage Manager role and directing a whole new generation. My musical education would rate as highly as my formal school education when it comes to measuring the influence they have on my life. I learnt true appreciation of beauty and relaxation in 47 Cardiff Grove.

On 5th, 7th, 9th September 2006, my aunty Sue brought her son Brian over for tuition. I have been tuitioning Brian since my mum was diagnosed, and aunty Sue would take the opportunity during the tuition time to talk to my mum. This allowed my mum to feel useful as she prepared dinner for them every lesson, and feel happy that I was helping my cousin. Tuitioning Brian was a good form of relaxation to me and I really enjoy it all, and I knew that aunty Sue did all this more for our family, rather than really in the expectation that Brian's chinese improves under me. And this has been a real show of active support from my relatives, the actual doing of something to make things better.

On 4th, 5th, 9th September 2006, I met a really special person . I'm really comforted that before I leave Singapore, I finally found out that to like someone is to look forward to every meeting, even if I have some stupid unhappiness towards you, do nothing and just sit there, or worse still, end up talking about insignificant and yet depressing stuff. For all the good and wonderful things that have happened in my wonderful 20 years, perhaps the only thing that I felt I lacked was a girl who I could do things I enjoyed with, but enjoy the company more than the things.And I'm thankful to you, that despite all your many difficulties, you have found time to be there always. For all the infatuations and crushes, I finally liked someone.

There will yet be more meetings with significant people to come up till I leave. I cannot believe that from family, to relative, to teacher, to tuition teacher, to piano teacher, to friends, I've had so so many people showering me with love. I just want to thank everyone for stepping forward at this point of time, reminding me of who I am and having so much love and faith in me. Life has been most kind to me, and the least I could do, is to continue to be the Foo Cexiang that all of you know and treasure.