On Being Compassionate

I passed a blind lady singing at Pasir Ris MRT last Sunday. From a distance, her voice sounded so beautiful and powerful I actually thought it was coming from a radio. To enhance her 'performance', she also played a tambourine in accompaniment to the music, swaying musically to the beat. I have a habit of donating to such causes whenever I pass them, so as usual, I took out my wallet. However, when I saw that were only $10 and $50 dollar notes in my wallet, I walked away, thinking that I would change some money before parting with some smaller change. I did not do so.

On my way home, I passed this lady again. And I suddenly felt bad that I had not given her anything even though I truly enjoyed her music. So I opened my wallet once again, and therein, I saw 'my Singapore Pools Betting Ticket of $10 for Ukraine to win the World Cup'. I felt guilty that I had actually spent 10 dollars betting , but could not even spend the same amount to appreciate and help someone in need. So I went back, took $10 out and duly gave it to the lady.

After that, I was thinking,"Why is it that when I normanlly donate, I only look for coins or at most 2 dollars?" Was I really donating because I was really compassionate, or was it just an act of show to deceit myself, parting with an amount of money I did not really care about. I think being compassionate, actually involves some sacrifice, not something convenient.