On Death

I wonder how I first came to understand the concept or idea of death. From what I can faintly recall, it must have been when my aunty was reading Chinese history tales to me when I was very young where we came across the word 'si'. And, I asked her, "What's death?" The answer I got and I believe millions of young children across the world receive, is that death happens when people grow old; they will stop breathing in their sleep, and then no longer walk, talk, and live.

And not long after that, as I grew older, I learnt that my grandfather passed away when he was barely 40, from a heart attack, and slowly, a few distant relatives passed away, some young, some older. But, this concept of dying old in sleep stayed firm in my mind. Dying young, struggling with illness, seemed something distant, foreign, that could only happen to other people.

Then in 2006, my mum left. And hours ago, her mum left. Both had cancer, one before the after. Both left, one after the other. And the image of dying peacefully in sleep when old died in me as well. As I heard the news, I looked at myself, my hands, my body, my feet, and I thought, "I know one day, you will let me down. I just hope that before you do so, you let me know. So I can tell those around me, I am going to let them down."

I always tell everyone, to treasure those around you. And tonight, I would add, most of all, treasure yourself, - for every morning that you wake up, and breathe, smile, talk, walk and run.