Childhood Glimpses

The day before I flew back to Cardiff from Singapore, Chin Siong and I visited Uncle and Aunty Lau for dinner. (Their son Hiu Yeung is our common friend, while I had helped their daughter Hiu Yan with GP previously. Both children are now studying overseas, one in US, the other in HK.) The conversation eventually moved into Hiu Yeung's childhood and academic forays, and Aunty Lau happily took out a Video Tape (yes, the old VCR) of Hiu Yeung appearing on a televised competition during Primary school. When she mentioned the name of the show " 小小状元榜" , my heart skipped a beat as I had took part in the very same competition. I began to wonder if both I and Hiu Yeung had actually appeared in the same competitive round.

As providence would have it, the first person I saw when the programme started, was not Hiu Yeung, but a 11 year-old myself. I'm sure Mummy had taped the programme down as well, but somehow, I had not taken it out to re-look ever since after the competition. As we all shared a good laugh at the coincidence of it all, I took a good look at myself on the screen. I could not remember the exact happenings during the show, in fact, all I could remember from it was that I took part in it, and took home a big bag of Horlicks products. Staring at the 11 year-old Cexiang was like staring at a complete stranger. Nothing but the knowledge that that had been me provided any familiarity or recognition. It could just have been anyone else really.

Its really quite amazing. I think a person's past can only be considered his past, as far as he remembers it, and can re-feel it upon memory. But how many of our feelings can we actually remember. How many things are seen by us as trivial and everyday, and yet, may one day, no longer be everyday? I think that is where the invention of videos is quite wonderful, it allows us to know ourselves better, re-writes those periods of life that have been erased from our brains. As the competition ended with my school getting the highest scores, the cameras flashed by me smiling very self-contentedly (or cockily). Ah! Maybe I was! Maybe, I still am.

Perhaps my generation was not so lucky as far as recording videos is concerned. I only am aware of a few videos of myself when young. The earliest being when Mummy brought me to Mrs Teo's (my primary school teacher) house to celebrate the first month (or year) of their daughter, who I would go on to tuition when she was Secondary 3. The Cexiang then was barely 8, very shy, constantly hiding behind my mum, and afraid to talk to strangers. Aah! Maybe I was! Maybe, I still am.

The other video recordings would be of me playing the piano at the public concerts LPT organized. I remember clearly the nervousness I felt backstage, the fear of having break-downs in front of the audience. But all recorded on the video, is quite a confident performer who starts his playing with a nonchalant flick of his wrist. Quite a natural star (or attention seeker, depends on how you look at it) really. Yes. Maybe I was! Maybe, I still am.

I think we like to think we are what we think we are. Sometimes though, having videos of ourselves in the past would serve as timely reminders. I am glad that despite an age where techonology wasnt as rampant as it is for this generation, there is still treasured footage of childhood glimpses of myself. But even if you don't, you could simply ask the people around you who saw your growing up. I am sure they have thier own stories of you, that you never knew yourself.