My Tears Don't Flow Lightly

These past 2 weekends, I have had the entire apartment to myself. The feeling is quite different from last year, when I had my little room to myself all the time as well. I think this feeling of space and comfort actually breeds a greater sense of solitude and loneliness. But to be able to feel 'comfortably lonely' is in someways a blessing, for thought deprived of the joys of human interaction, one is also saved from the stresses of it. More than ever, it provides an environment for thought and contemplation. To some, a retreat in a forest might be the best form of spiritual freedom, but to a less enlightened me, the ants and insects in the forest crawling on me makes it impossible for me to think. So, a nice comfortable room, with carperted floor, the heater blowing lightly and the orange lamp on is better. Today thus, I will discuss the topic of crying. I must warn everyone reading this that it is going to be quite incoherent.

Do you recall the times when you cry? Why did you cry? Why do you cry? Recently, as I was watching the drama serial I blogged about in the last post, I have shed a few tears. But I realise that before I have this sensation to cry, a feeling overcomes me. And this feeling is a familiar one, that is, I can remember this feeling whenever I cried before in the past. So what is the feeling. It is the feeling of being touched. Haha. I cant help but laugh as I type this. You must be thinking, what on earth is he trying to say. Yes, it is quite a ridiculous thing to try to explain.

I think there are two reasons why people cry. The first is when they feel helpless at a certain situation they are in but wish they were not in, the second is when they are touched. But the real difference for me between these 2 types, is that the first requires thinking, while the second doesnt. For the first, when I am in a situation I do not want to be in, my initial reaction is to think what I can do to get myself out of it, if after thinking hard and I cant get out, I cry out of helplessnes. I think that is why I almost have never cried for the first reason, because normally when I think, I am able to get myself out of situations I do not want to be in. The second type of crying though, comes naturally. I just feel touched. And what is it that I feel touched by? I tried to recall all the times I cried because I felt touched, and the same reason cropped up : I felt touched when I see or experience an act of selfless love. And I enjoy the crying.

So, when you are sad, do you cry before you think? Or think first? Do you enjoy crying when you are touched as well, because you can appreciate love then?