On Regrets

"My only and greatest regret, would be doing something I would have regretted not doing."

28 July 2006

蓝雨伞

天空又要下雨了，
妈妈叫我把雨伞在身边带着，
她说不遮雨，可以遮太阳。
我却不要这个负担，
不怕外头风风雨雨，
我永远不孤单。

蓝雨伞，蓝雨伞
却未曾离开我身旁。
晴　天不能让我忘记你。

天空突然真下雨了，
我叫妈妈把雨伞在身边带着，
我说不遮雨，可以遮太阳。
负担由我通通背起，
不怕外头风风雨雨，
我永远都爱你．

Lost

Actually the route was rather simple,
After Tampines Road,
from Hougang Ave 3 I would turn right to Upp Serangoon and then,
take another left to Hougang Ave 4 and I would reach straight ahead.

Then it actually was only straight ahead towards and past the CTE, and then
I would just have to find my way.
The journey homewards would start just going straight,
and somehow, I would see the sign,
and you could start the routine of guiding me
in circles.

Finally, I would turn right towards the SLE
and I knew my way home with instinct.

I looked forward to leaving home, but looked forward to getting home.
I knew exactly how to leave home, and I knew exactly how to get home.
I looked forward to getting lost, and I knew exactly how to get lost.

But when I got lost, time just didn't stop
because I can remember it didn't stop.

July 2006

On Birthday Videos

I have just watched Video that a few friends of mine produced for my Birthday. It is somehow surprising how their various personalities as I percieve them do shine through in the video. It goes far to confirm my guesses on their various traits and characteristics, from the non-chalant to the emotional. But at the end of it all, I do get the sense that essentially, my presence in their life has not been without moments of joy and beautiful remembrance. Life cannot repeat or re-create itself and time will fade off many memories as circumstances change. It would be fair to note that my influence in their life can only decrease from now onwards, because many things are not sustainable. But I have always believed that memories are, and humans have the uncanny ability of either remembering the worst things or the best things. I hope that for all of you, it's the latter.

I hope that if we all were to look at this Video again 21 years from now, admist the laughter, there would be fond remembrance of a time when the world seemed to revolve around good friends. I will never under-estimate this video, even most great men only get such tributes after they are dead. So now, in true cexiang fashion, let me just give you all my thoughts on what each and everyone of you said:

Zhiming : Our personalities & circles are actually more diverging than converging, if there was anything that made you a part of the video and my 21st birthday gathering, it would be fate. You would have never taken a step to know me, nor would I have done so for you, but somehow, it was de-creed that you would be my Chairman, and I would be your Committee member. And while you remember me for diffusing situations, bringing laughter, all that would not have been possible if not for your approval.

Meina : My heart is definitely no where as good as yours. It's just unfair that physically you are far more attractive to the opposite sex than me as well.

Yisheng : Your pride tends to overshadow the tender, but beautiful parts of your personality. Subtlety has always been your greatest forte as well as weakness, but it's ok when it comes to me , with my infinite empathy.

Wenyuan : I guess I have under-estimated my influence on your life as much as you have under-estimated yours on mine. Your case is slightly different from Zhiming, becuase I would not entirely accord it to fate that we knew each other better. I hope that you are not afraid to reflect the same confidence that someday I'll become someone great, for yourself, in your demeanour and actions, becuase I know you definitely know that you'll go far. Show it!

Wenhui : It looks like I have never under-estimated my impact on your life. And I have also not underestimated my high estimations of your personality as well, I have always sensed your concern for others to be rather extreme, but it has never been a doubt in me that it is absolutely sincere.

Liena : I think you are consciously and sub-consciously different from Meina, and both of you have equally strong points that the either might not possess. Actually, I think your train of thought and confidence level of yourself is really similar to mine in many ways, so I figured that the best person to teach Mike after I leave is definitely you!

Warrick : My parents liked you and your portion in the video most, for your expectationless- sincerety. And I am a product of my parents.

Shuqi : For the little interaction I have actually had with you, I am really glad that you think of me the way you do. Actually, I regret that I did not take the chance to know you better still when we were in SnR.

Chin Siong : If I were a source of inspiration to you to do silly things, you were a source of comfort to me after I had done stupid things. For all of my and your weaknesses, it is ''a match in heaven" that we are such good friends and confidants.

Yizhuan : I seldom feel inferior, you somehow are always are the exception.

Chee Hui : You are the first person in my life , that I knew I wanted to make a friend of, after seeing you for the first time. So, the way things have turned out, have really been nothing less than a dream to me.

Zhiqing : Actually, I am far more normal than you think. At the end of it all, I am no different from any other guy.

Yun Ching : You single-handedly fufilled many of my greatest dreams.

Hao Jie : I always had this bad feeling that we would start to drift apart. Please continue to defy me and the odds.

Video : If I were your director, I would not have been able to make you more meaningful, sincere, and touching.

I believe the comments here are timeless, and they not only reflect my thoughts on the video, but it is actually my own forecast of the future. If you read this 5 or 10 years from now, you will be amazed at how relevant and poignant they would still be.

If I Had An Audience

21 Years is not long, but long enough for me to tell you that 10 years is a very short period of time. It is too little time to love, appreciate and care about the so many wonderful and less wonderful people around you.
It is a blessing that humans were not born to live forever, it is a curse that we do not know when our lives would end. But if there was any lesson worth learning, and that I took 21 years to learn, it is this : Live everyday as your last, and appreciate every soul that comes into your life along the way. Make fate & destiny worth the heartache.
So, I just want to thank everyone. You will never know and will always underestimate the huge and everlasting impact you have made on me, and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
To my parents and siblings and family and friends, thank you for coming into my life. If we could only live once, I would choose it to be this once.

On Love

Love is thought and action.

Some people may think alot of their loved ones, but if they do not demonstrate any actions of concerned, a less sensitive loved one may completely not realise it and then it would be such a waste!

On the other hand, if we do things blindly and do everything just to please our loved ones without giving any thought as to the possible consequences, then the end result might be either us tiring out or getting disillusioned, and worse still, the love might turn on its back and cross that thin line to become hatred.

So, I think love is a delicate balance of both, but even then, it would not be forever & beautiful without the most important ingredient : love must be without expectations.