On Girls

There was once upon a time where liking girls was a relatively beautiful process. Basically, I would like a girl and be content to admire her from a distance, with no strings or expectations attached,expecting and wanting nothing to come out of it at all. And many years passed as such, with no ideas of dates or girlfriends. But it wasnt without concern. I do remember feeling rather sad and helpless when one girl I liked broke her nose in a PE lesson.
The older I grew, liking a girl became a mentally more complicated process, not un-influnced by the surroundings. Suddenly, liking someone entailed going on dates, and getting into relationships, and the feeling of liking required reciprocity. And all the problems of the adult world would come tumbling in all at one go, how to impress and appease, and how to block out the rest of the world. The more immersed within, the more artificial it all gets.
I think I would rather return to many years before, where there was nothing to do, but like and love.

On Soccer

As the world revels in the ongoing soccer spectacle, the FIFA World Cup 2006, I will take some time to reminisince my very first World Cup experience.
It was in 1994, when I was 10, in Primary 3. My dad started watching , and I remember eagerly anticiapting every night as we would watch through the nights into the early morning. At that time, I found it very cool, not having to sleep at 10pm! In the beginning, I bsically enjoyed the process of staying up more than the football on TV.
Then came the Italy-Nigeria match. My dad supported Italy, and I followed suit, not knowing anyone on both teams. Nigeria led 1-0 all the way till the 89th minute, when a certain Roberto Baggio scored, and then scored again in injury time with a penalty to miraculously bring a lacklusture Italian side through. The next day, New Paper headlined 'Fly Roby Fly!' From then on, I looked forward to every Baggio match. And he duly scored in both the quarters and semis to bring Italy to Pasedena for the finals against Brazil. Such was the charisma of one player to lift the entire team that captivated me.
Even if you did not watch football then, you would know that Baggio would go on to miss his penalty in the shoot-out the hand Brazil the trophy. My parents had not woke me up for the match, I woke up myself just in time for the shoot-out, only to be heartbroken. I remeber blaming my parents the whole of the next day, as if I had watched Italy and Baggio would have won.
The world cup ended , but Roberto Baggio continued to be my only favourite soccer player, till this day. I saw in him the beauty of miracles and the tragedy of fate, and I think I learnt something : You can be destined for failure, but you can still dream of miracles. And in the end, even if you fail, at least the journey was not without beauty.

On Gambling

I have had illusions to become a God of Gamblers since young, a la Chow Yun Fat. Winnng at gambling is a class combination of personal vision, risk assessment, guts and skill; as well as the divine influence of something we term 'luck'. A good gambler would definitely possess the immaculate characterisitics to be successful in whatever he does as well.

However, why then is there such a public dis-approval of gambling? I think the reason is simple. As can be seen from the qualities required to be a good gambler listed above, it should be clear that it is not just anyone that can be a gambler. Thus, out of every 10 gamblers, 9 are losers. People have the misconception that the odds of gambling as an activity would result in only 1/10 chance or even less of success. I think however, that the odds are not about gambling as an activity, but rather a person as a gambler. The reason why so many people lose from gambling is not because gambling is bad, but simply because the majority of any population are bad gamblers!

Thus, I am heavily against people gambling, especially not with your family fortune, simply because if you have reached that stage, it clearly shows that you already lack all the necessities to be a good gambler!

But, I am not against gambling. And that is why I gamble. =p

On Dreams

Knowing my family is healthy and well, the following would give me lots of enjoyment:

1. Driving my little Toyota at night past the different sights of busy shopping districts,to parks and semi-lit to fully darkerend houses, with the radio playing some Canto songs from the 90s

2. Playing Mahjong on my balcony with a group of close friends, having chinese tea and peanuts to go with all through the night with a full moon

3. Living on a farm with animals (goats, pigs, cows, horses), and lots of crops, and owning a state of the art house nearby with full facilities

4. Sitting together as a family, with the old reminiscing about the past, the younger talking about family, work, politics, entertainment and sport, and the children playing in their own world in some corner

5. Being with a special girl in the middle of a big lake in autumn, with temperature at 14 degrees, and just rowing the boat and looking out into the horizon, and wishing time would simply stop (with a magnificent spread of food in the cabin)

On The Inner Circle

The Inner Circle is made up of a highly select group of talented individuals with glowing personalities and complementary characters. They come from all walks of my life and are regularly invited to an overnight meeting at the 'Foo's Mansion'. Issues discussed range from family to love to studies to family. The most unique thing about the Inner Circle is that they come from all walks of my life, yet,coming together via opportune of mahjong, or simply to hear me out.

I present to you, The Inner Circle, in no particular running order:
Chen Jing Hui (Childhood)
Chin Yi Zhuan (Secondary Sch)
Poh Hao Jie (Junior College)
Goh Chin Siong (Junior College)
Koh Chee Hui (Taiwan Immersion)
Lim Yun Ching (Police Aacademy)

For those that wish to apply for membership to this circle, kindly mail your details and HFC (History of Friendship with Cexiang) to cxhope@gmail.com. We will invite you upon your successful inclusion.

On Stress

I only feel stress when it comes to things I have absolutely no control over and am completely helpless. For this same reason, exams or office work have never been a source od stress to me as I know that if I put in effort, it will not go too wrong. But there will always be things in life where there is simply nothing you can do as you see events unfold before you. The more hopes & expectations you have, the greater the stress if these start to get out of your control.

I have only had one hope all my life : to have a happy family living harmoniously together. Ironically, this has become a great source of stress. At the back of mind, no matter what I am doing, or where I am, will always be my family. But this is one stress, I will hold onto , for the rest of my life.

On My Motto in Life

"To treat every day as my last."

With such, there will be no time for anger, hatred, greed, ambition, jealousy, deception.....There can only be appreciation.

On Being Compassionate

I passed a blind lady singing at Pasir Ris MRT last Sunday. From a distance, her voice sounded so beautiful and powerful I actually thought it was coming from a radio. To enhance her 'performance', she also played a tambourine in accompaniment to the music, swaying musically to the beat. I have a habit of donating to such causes whenever I pass them, so as usual, I took out my wallet. However, when I saw that were only $10 and $50 dollar notes in my wallet, I walked away, thinking that I would change some money before parting with some smaller change. I did not do so.

On my way home, I passed this lady again. And I suddenly felt bad that I had not given her anything even though I truly enjoyed her music. So I opened my wallet once again, and therein, I saw 'my Singapore Pools Betting Ticket of $10 for Ukraine to win the World Cup'. I felt guilty that I had actually spent 10 dollars betting , but could not even spend the same amount to appreciate and help someone in need. So I went back, took $10 out and duly gave it to the lady.

After that, I was thinking,"Why is it that when I normanlly donate, I only look for coins or at most 2 dollars?" Was I really donating because I was really compassionate, or was it just an act of show to deceit myself, parting with an amount of money I did not really care about. I think being compassionate, actually involves some sacrifice, not something convenient.

On Silent Love

June 2003.

Flight of a seagull
If my love was the deep blue sea,
You would be a seagull,
Entrancing, graceful.
So close yet so far.
Enticing, seductive.
Yet I could never go nearer.
And you never did come nearer.

I was afraid.
Any nearer I got, I might drown you.
Losing you eternally.
I was scared.
Any closer I drew, I might scare you.
To some land far away.
To far inland for me ever to reach.

Still, I have to face inner turbulences within me,
The waves and tides.
A mere show of my endless frustration.
Externally, nor am I spared.
The cold winds and drying sun.
O! What pain!
But none more than the thought that you may never come closer,
And only drift further,
Into my sunset.

My immobility, unchanging state.
I am stuck.
Therein, my greatest tragedy.
I cannot force myself any further from you.
But you can.
Even if you ever do come close,
You might still go.
You do have wings.
I know.

On Career Choice

Your Scholastic Strength Is Inspiring Others

You are great at developing a vision, and getting others to adopt your way of thinking. You are talented at leading, balancing tasks, and helping people work together. You should major in: Counseling Environmental studies Law Social work Political science Nursing

What Should You Major In?

By the way, I will be majoring in Town Planning which is a mix of Politics, Environmental Studies, Economics. And I also enjoy teaching. I conclude that this quiz is rather accurate.

On Bhutan

The following is an article published in Today Newspaper, written by a Bhutanese Journalist, Kesang Dema. I couldnt'agree more with it.

As a Bhutanese visiting Singapore, I take uninhibited pride in being able to say that I come from the thunder dragon Kingdom of Bhutan. Almost all the time, I am greeted with curiosity, and they always shoot the obvious question: "Isn't Bhutan the country which adopted Gross National Happiness (GNH) as a development policy?"Before I can gather my thoughts to answer, I am bombarded with more questions: "Is everyone happy in Bhutan? Are you happy?" Such questions from people in Singapore, who have all the ingredients of a comfortable life, underscore the very essence of the concept: Is GNH a reality?As a prosperous, developed country, Singapore has everything to keep its over 4.4 million people happy. In the vibrant urban buzz, equipped with sophisticated gadgets and clothed in the latest designer fashion, Singaporeans can enjoy every fruit of modernisation.On the other end of the spectrum is Bhutan, where, forget the MRT and the elevators, even a simple traffic light device is absent. Comparatively, Bhutanese lead much simpler lives. Yet, they are just as happy.Bhutan does not claim to be able to guarantee happiness for its people. But at the individual level, the GNH concept conjures up feelings of idealism and interconnectedness. In Buddhism, happiness can only come from within the self. Thus, the idea that happiness is the ultimate value of life, and the importance of its sustainability has crept into the minds of fellow citizens.Around the world, while family values have collapsed and there is no social or emotional security, Bhutanese citizens continue the age-old tradition of an extended family, in which members support one another emotionally and financially. Cultural participation and identity have emerged as the strongest variables influencing happiness both in the rural and urban areas.Spiritual oneness is distinctly visible during festival celebrations, which are attended by the whole family, consisting of grandparents, parents and children attired in the national costume. An uncompromised ecosystem ensures that future generations will have access to the same natural environment as the older generations did.While the policy-makers continue to create the right environment for citizens to find happiness or contentment, challenges remain for the citizens to understand that it is up to them to translate this profound concept into reality.And as my country continues to shoulder this responsibility of making GNH the solution to problems that scourge the world today, I don't hesitate to answer that I am happy. Because I am assured that I have a green, unpolluted, mystical country and a caring family to go back to.

On Feeling Ashamed

I was going home from JC once via bus 67. At one of the stops, a lady who suffered from Parkinson's and with many growths on her face boarded the bus. My immediate feeling was one of disgust, and fear. I simply wanted to keep away from her as far as possible. I could see others in the bus cowering away from her as well. Instead of getting angry with everyone, the lady said, " Sorry, I will be going down at the next stop." I was so sad when I heard her say that. Here was a lady who was already suffering from all her illnesses, and yet, she had to feel apologetic about it for causing discomfort to others. I found it so tragic, and ironic. At the same time, I was so ashamed of myself for my earlier thoughts of disgust.It did not matter that I actually had known shown my disgust with her, the mere fact that I had harboured such feeling was bad enough.

Many people are ashamed of their lack of brains or looks. For me, I am only ashamed of my lack of heart. You cannot change your brains, or your looks, nor can you ever have the best brains or the best looks in the world. But you can change your heart, and you can have the best heart in the world!

On Nikko

Nikko is the name of my first pet, a mongrel between a Bull Terrier & a Dalmation. He was already close to a year old when we bought him from a farm. I remember being slightly disappointed as we had previously visited a few pet shops and I had seen a few baby Bull Terriers which were the size of my palm. I always liked the smaller and cuter animals.

Nikko liked to gnaw on the slippers and shoes when he first arrived and my parents had a hard time teaching him to kick the habit. Eventually, he stopped but I always felt it was the result of he out-growing it, rather than a success of my parents' canings. He loved bread. He could smell me bringing bread from 20 metres away in the kitchen and would start prancing around happily.

When I was in Pr3, my aunty's house was broken into. My mum decided to lend them Nikko to watch over their house till they bought a dog. I remember crying uncontrollably. I simply could not stop. I think it was the fear of not seeing Nikko again that overwhelmed me.

Eventually, he came back and we decided to put him with my grandma. I would see him every weekend.

I tried brining him out once, but he ended up in a fight with another dog, almost severly injuring it. It was never his fault. I told the owner to pick up her dogs, (she had 2 small dogs), but she couldnt control them. They camer over to attack Nikko, and he simply defended himself, albeit, abit too over-enthusiastic. But after that, my family weren't too pleased with me bringing him out. I myself did not want him to possibly get harmed or harm other animals.

In 2001, Nikko's health worsened. He would cough blood occasionally, but still would gnaw on the grass as a form of self-medication. He started to go blind as well. At this time, I would make it a point to spend close to an hour with him every week. Be it feeding him bread which he still loved, and was still sensitive to, or just talking to him, and saying a prayer or two.

In 2002, he started vommiting alot of blood and could barely walk. My family decided to put him to sleep and spare him the obvious pain he was going through. One Friday, my aunt called me and told me that he had been taken away. Now, it was a funny feeling I felt. I did not cry like I did 8 years back, even though now, I knew I would really never see him again. Somehow, I felt comforted that i had taken every opportunity to fully accompany him in a large part of his life, especially his later years. I had no regrets to myself or to Nikko. I believe I brought him joy, as he had brought me. And thus, I was comforted that his suffering had ended.

Through Nikko, I think I learnt that somethings, it is really about making an active effort to treasure the present. You may want to do alot of things, but if you let your daily pursuits and ambitions overcome you, in the end, you may have achieved every ambition, but you would have lost that something eternally : love.